Harry's Hidden Depression
by TheFanGirl666
Summary: Harry has been depressed since he was a child and now that Sirius is dead, the urge to kill himself and leave the world of pain is getting too hard to ignore. But Draco found Harry before he committed suicide and vows to help Harry anyway that he can. TRIGGER WARNING, Self harm, and talk of suicide, Don't say I didn't warn you.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I will never know J.K. Rowling. But sadly I never will.

Author's Note: This is my first real fanfiction on this website. I'm sorry if you see any mistakes. Please tell me that would be much very nice. Please and thank you for reading my story.

Harry Potter was a wizard, a good one. But sadly no one can see past the mask that he created to hide himself from reality. Harry Potter is different. He is depressed, even more so than normal. His godfather Sirius Black died during the last school year. Harry was ready to take of the mask that he wore to show Sirius his true self, but he died before Harry could. So he became even more withdrawn. People thought that he was doing it because Sirius died, so he knew that he could never trust anyone to take of his mask. So he will be forever known as Harry Potter, the boy-who-lived. He will never be the same person he was before he started Hogwarts. He wants to but is afraid of the reactions that would follow everyone in the Wizardry world, thought that he is a perfect person, with no worries and his destiny was to defeat Voldemort. Then marry a witch to carry on the Potter name, and then die the name and the man he was supposed to be. But only Harry will know the truth. He is the only one that will.

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why is life the way it is?

Why don't others care?

They only care for themselves.

Everyone only cares about others.

Only themselves.

They don't care about you

They don't care if you are broken.

They don't care that you are lost.

They don't care if you are gone.

They don't care.

They will never care.

They won't care when you fade away.

They don't care that you're gone.

Never to return again.

Because they only care for themselves.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry was in his "room" clutching a blooded razor blade in his hand, he was holding it so it, it was cutting his hand and making blood drip on the floor, forming a puddle under his hand. Harry knew that was going to get caught, but he was too far gone into his mind to think about anything other than cutting himself. Harry wanted to die. He wanted to be free from the pain in his life, he had no way of getting a gun so the next best choice was to cut himself and hope that one day, he cut too deep and he would bleed out, and he would be free from the pain that has haunted him since his childhood. That why Harry created a mask for himself. to his pain and to make sure nobody finds out about his scars. Harry didn't want anyone to know about his scars for they would never leave him alone again. Harry knew that he should stop but every day the pain got worse and the need to cut himself was stronger than the day before. and the need to kill himself was getting stringers every day. But Harry was too cowardly to AK himself and he felt that he deserved the pain the he inflicted to upon himself everyday. So that why Harry created a mask to hide the pain and to make sure nobody ever finds out about his true self. A depressed child with the need to die getting stronger with each passing day. All Harry wanted was to be left alone, and not having anyone depend on him to save the world by killing Voldemort, but Harry didn't want to save the world, he just wanted to die, and leave the world of pain that he is in.

Harry didn't see himself killing Voldemort, Harry felt that he wasn't strong enough to defeat him. Harry thought that he was weak and wasn't strong enough to kill Voldemort, but the whole world was counting on him to defeat him and Harry didn't want the world to go into darkness, so that meant Harry was going to kill Voldemort and hopes that during the final battle Harry will die, and that's the only reason for Harry fighting. Hoping to die along with Voldemort. That is his wish, to die alongside Voldemort. But Harry knows if anyone knew about his wish, they would make him talk and make sure that he stays alive after the battle, so Harry kept his wish to himself and only talking about it in the dead of night with no one around.

But today just wasn't working out the way Harry planned. Harry original planned to wait until everyone went to bed then sneak into the Room of Requirement and cut himself until the pain he felt in his heart was gone, and all that he could think about was the pain on his arms and nothing else. But that wasn't going to work because someone was already in there.

**I am a line so there for I break things **

Harry didn't want anyone to see him so he back tracked and he slowly made his way up to the Astronomy Tower. When Harry got there, he put a charms around him to make sure he is not seen or heard. When Harry made sure nobody would hear him, he let the food gates open. He screamed until his throat was raw, with tears cascading down his face and pooling on the ground in a small puddle. No matter how hard he tried that gates wouldn't close and the tears would just keep coming out, no matter how hard he tried, they wouldn't stop. Not that he wanted too, but it was getting too much to control all day everyday and it felt nice to release his emotions, instead of hiding them away. Harry knew that he needed help, but he was ashamed. He was supposed to led the light from the grasps of the dark. But if Harry couldn't drag himself from the darkness, he had no hope of leading the light away from the dark. Before Harry knew it, it was morning, Another night within sleep yet again. So Harry silently back to the boys dorm, and went to take a hot shower to erase what he did at night. After taking a steaming hot shower, Harry left the bathroom, and saw that other boys waking up, he left, not wanting to be questioned on what he was doing up so early. So he left to the Great Hall where he would attempt to eat something.

While Harry was "eating" meaning he was pushing his food around, making it look like he was eating, he felt someone staring at him, but every time he looked up, he didn't see anyone, letting it go for now, because he saw Ron and Hermione enter the hall, and mentally prepared got an interrogation. And he was right

"What are you doing up so early" Hermione asked as she sat across from Harry

"I just woke up early and didn't want to wake up you guys, so I came down here" Harry said with a fake smile on his face, luckily for him his friends didn't notice .

Harry let out a sigh of relief when they started to get there breakfast. After failing at eating, Harry left to go to his first class of the day. Charms. Harry sat down in the corner and tried to blend into the shadows, to avoid Ron and Hermione and there questions that they would surely ask him. Lucky for Harry they didn't seem to see he when they entered the class and sat down on the other side of the room.

Harry was glad that Ron and Hermione didn't questioned him, he had a hard enough time keeping his mask in place and making it look like nothing was wrong. But they were wrong, everything was wrong. Harry was supposed to be the Boy-Who-Lived, he was supposed to not have a care in the world, only caring to kill Lord Voldemort. He was supposed to be a great prankster like his dad. But the real Harry was the opposite of who he was supposed to be.

Harry tried so hard to become who he was meant to be, but his depression wouldn't let him go, and soon had an impossible to ignore felling around Harry, that would only go away when he would cut himself.

Harry want to stop cutting himself, but the voices in his head, telling him, that he would help to world by dying, saying he was worthless, and he deserved to die. He wanted help, but didn't know who to go to that wouldn't judge him. All Harry wanted was for someone who would love him, scars, depression and all, not the name The-Boy-Who-Lived, That's all he wanted, but because of Voldemort, and how he was the one who would have to kill him would never get his hearts desire. To love someone and have someone love him for who he is. The real Harry Potter, a depressed teen, who cuts himself and wishes to die to be with the ones who Love him for who he is, not a title that he didn't want.

**I'm a line the breaks things**

Harry hasn't been able to sleep at all the past 5 days, he normally was able to get 2-3 hours of sleep a night, but the nightmares have been worse and the urge to cut has been getting to the point where he feels the urge to cut all day, no matter the consequences. Harry knew that he needed to stop, the pain has been getting too strong to ignore. Harry knew he had to talk to someone about it, but he didn't know of anyone who wouldn't judge him for his problems and be able to help him.

Harry was up on the Astronomy tower, looking up at the stars and trying to forget his problems even if it was a for a few minutes, its a few minutes of relief from the pain that he feels constantly, all day every day since he was a small child.

Harry was so caught up in is pain, that he didn't notice anyone coming up the stairs until it was too late.

"Potter, what are you doing up here so late at night" Draco asked with confusion clear in his voice.

Harry froze, he didn't know what to do, should he pretend that he did see Draco or should he talk to him.

"Are you OK, Potter" Draco asked when Harry didn't say anything. That was when Draco noticed the blood dripping from Harry's wrist and forming a small puddle underneath.

Harry knew that this was his chance to get the help that he needs and wants. Harry knew because Draco was a Slytherin, he could keep his secrets and not betray him.

"No, Draco I'm not OK and I need help" with that said Harry let the tears flow.

"What's wrong Harry" Draco asked with concern clear in his voice.

"Everything" Harry replied as Draco took him in his arms and started to rub small circles on his back

"Will you tell me what happened to you, Harry" Draco asked hesitantly

Harry didn't say anything, all he wanted to do was stay in Draco's embrace, where he felt warm and safe for the first time in so very long. But he knew that he had to talk to Draco or Draco might leave him like everyone else did when he told them his problems. But something told him that he could trust Draco and decided to tell Draco.

" It all started when I was 7 years old, when the Dursley's, my "family" decided to teach me a lesson, because in their eyes, I was a freak that took up space. they came to the conclusion that I needed to be taught a lesson, and that night was the worse beating I've had since I come to the Dursley's. I can't even begin to describe the pain that I went through that night and I don't think I ever will. But ever since that faithful night, I've used pain to help with the pain that I feel physically and mentally ever since. I know that it's not a healthy habit, but it the only thing I can do to help with the pain. I want to stop but I'm afraid that I couldn't handle the pain and I would never be free from the pain.

Draco couldn't say anything, he knew if he said the wrong thing, Harry would leave and would never get the help that he deserves. So all Draco did was hold Harry tighter and pressed small kisses to his head as Harry cried out all of the pain that he has been dealing with for so long by himself.

After a while Harry cried himself to sleep and Draco knew he couldn't leave Harry here, so he decided to bring him to Slytherin Common Rooms, where he has his own room because of him being a prefect. So Draco cast a feather light spell on Harry, not that he weighed that much to begin with, But Draco didn't want to risk dropping him and causing him more harm.

Lucky for Draco, he didn't run into anyone, otherwise that would be difficult to explain, why he was carrying Harry. So it was a relief that he didn't run into anyone and even better, there was no one in the Common Room, they were all in bed which made it so much easier than explaining to his housemates why he was carrying Harry Potter, his sworn school enemy.

With a great amount of care Draco didn't know he possessed, he gently laid Harry on his bed and set to clear up the blood, so no questions would be asked. Draco knew that he ask to tell someone about Harry, but he didn't want to betray him, with their friendship so new. As he was wiping the blood from his arms and face, he thought of the perfect person for Harry to talk to, who knows what he's going through. Tom Marvolo Riddle or as he is known Lord Voldemort.


End file.
